Heaven Less Opulent Than Vatican, Reports Disappointed PopeReligion, Pope, Heaven, humor
The Onion, 13 April 2005, HEAVEN — The soul of Pope John Paul, which entered heaven last week following a long illness, expressed confusion and disappointment Saturday, upon learning that the Celestial Kingdom of God to which the departed faithful ascend in the afterlife is significantly less luxurious than the Vatican's Papal Palace, in which the pope spent the past 26 years of his earthly life.
"Up here, everyone is equal," John Paul II said. "No one has to go through an elaborate bowing ritual when they greet me. And do you know how many times my ring has been kissed since I arrived? None. Up here, I'm mingling with tax collectors, fishermen, and whores. It's just going to take a little getting used to, is all."
The pope said it is amusing to think that he has been waiting for this "so-called Paradise" his entire life. "I spent almost 84 years reciting novenas and Hail Marys to get to this restful place," John Paul II said. ... "Frankly, this afterlife represents a significant drop in my standard of living. Well, they always said you can't take it with you," he added.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
It is as I have always suspected in my Puritan heart, and now the Pope has confirmed it. "The Onion" has the latest scoop:
Posted by Edna Barney at 9:13 AM